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Immediate Aftermath

What do I do now???????

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1. Reach out to trusted friends/family. Build your support team. Not only will you need to express new & unfamiliar feelings, you have a lot to do.

Have a support member contact family and friends who most need to know what has happened. Consider in-person notification when possible.

 

2. Funeral Arrangements will need to be made.  Decide on a funeral home and contact them as soon as possible to make an appointment. If you don’t feel up to this task, ask a trusted family member to arrange the funeral, leaving you to make only the necessary decisions. Try to develop some idea of times, dates, and locations for the services before meeting with the funeral director.

Be prepared to discuss financial arrangements, burial or cremation, vital statistics, education level, Social Security Numbers, and the mother’s maiden name may be required. Be prepared with any additional information you may want included in the obituary.

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3. Talk to the Police Further. Get your Case Number from Law Enforcement. Ask for contact information for Police Officer/Detective, Prosecutor, Victim’s Advocate, and/or Caseworker.  Make sure you provide them with your current address and phone number. 

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4. Register with VINE. (Victim Information Notification Everyday)  Can be accessed 24/7 to provide the most reliable information for custody status changes and criminal case information.  VINE receives updated information every 15 minutes from all county jails and every hour from the KY Department of Corrections.

 

5.  Think about your health.  Contact your family doctor to talk about your health as soon as possible.  Meeting with a grief counselor may be recommended. You will experience physical and emotional effects of grief beyond your control, be prepared for them. Get regular exercise, eat well, and get proper rest. 

 

6.  Keep track of absolutely every expense related to the death. Keep receipts and records of related expenses in case you file a criminal injuries claim or write a Victim Impact Statement.   

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Keep in Mind:

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 Law Enforcement Dramas have been around since the early days of television, in these climatic sitcoms justice is always served.  Now, mentally gather everything you remember from these dramas, and forget it.

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Investigations do not always lead to arrests, arrests do not always end in prosecution, prosecutions do not always end in convictions, and convictions do not always lead to stiff sentences.

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The criminal justice process moves slowly.  The length of time from arrest to sentencing varies from case to case.  Not all cases go to trial, many criminal cases are resolved through plea agreements where the prosecutor agrees to let the defendant plead guilty or no contest to a lesser crime in exchange for a lighter sentence.

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Media may be present.  You are not obligated to speak with them, it is your choice.

 

Defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty and are entitled to a reasonable bail.  It is possible for a defendant to be released while awaiting trial.

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You will most likely be in the same courtroom with the defendant’s family. 

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Physical & Emotional Responses

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Contact your family doctor to talk about your health as soon as possible.  Meeting with a grief counselor may be recommended.  You will experience physical and intense emotional effects of grief beyond your control, be prepared for them.  Get regular exercise, eat well, and get proper rest.

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  • Shock, disbelief, and denial.

  • Anger/Rage:  a normal reaction.  Survivors may be angry with God, the offender, service providers, family members, friends, the criminal justice system, themselves, and even the victim.

  • Fear is a common reaction and can result in panic attacks.

  • Profound exhaustion, sleeplessness.

  • Nightmares.

  • Intense Sadness.

  • Loss of appetite or overeating, digestive symptoms.

  • Inability to concentrate.

  • Anxiety.

  • Guilt. Looking for blame, and blaming yourself or others.

  • Distancing themselves from others, withdrawal.

  • Emotional outburst.

  • Tightness in throat.

  • Choking, shortness of breath.

  • Muscle tension.

  • Increased heart rate.

How we grieve is as individual as we are.  Traumatic grief does not follow a schedule or proceed according to a set of stages.

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